Sunday, January 25, 2009 - Early Bird

Nation...it's the dawn of a new America. Did anyone watch the Colbert Report on Inauguration Night? OMG it is classic TV with Stephen weeping and weeping! The spot goes on for close to 6 minutes, and it is just classic Stephen. I tried to embed the vid, but I think it's too long for the blog, so here's the link: http://blog.indecision2008.com/2009/01/21/stephen-colbert-gets-emotional-over-obamas-inauguration/ He is only sniffling in the beginning, but into the 4th minute, he is a snotty mess!

I've been feeling really good since my last post (the 3rd!). Work is going well, but the launch of the driver safety program is suffering from some glitches. I'm trying to work with those responsible, but it takes so much time out of the day, I sometimes don't feel as though I'm accomplishing all that could be done.

Physically I seem to be at an impasse with my body. I have been ruthlessly performing cardio of 55 minutes (Fri., 63mins, and yesterday 68mins) and when I got on the scale I weighed exactly what I did when I last saw the doctor. I see her on Thursday, so we'll see what she says.

The husband is already up and talking constantly, making comments about me being on the internet already. This is why I get up early, to be left alone - but to no avail.

Ok he's outside. I had crazy dreams about the ex-boyfriend last night. My daughter had an unexpected meeting w/her boyfriend's ex and another girl who broke up her first love. She was uncomfortable with the situation and we talked about it. The husband said "oh, it should be okay that if you see an ex that everyone sdhould be able to get together..." She and I were in the kitchen stuffing shells and I marched into the living room and started ranting about how during the workers compensation injury (2002-2004) and were at the medical mill in Elizabeth, I saw the ex-boyfriend on line to be seen and I thought I was gonna die. I wanted so much to say something, but due to his raging jealousy (which would have lasted for 2 weeks) which undoubtedly would have followed my even saying hello, I didn't and now I don't know if he even recognized me (I hope he did) never mind anything else.

He said, "you were foolish not to say hello." So what do I know? Nothing and less. My whole life is based on second-guessing.

Saturday, January 3, 2009 - Black Veil

Nation - is someone sane when they can feel the depression coming on? I can't even word what is wrong, but I am crying as I write this. I feel so stupid and worthless, I don't want to do anything that might take time to make me feel better; this includes cleaning the house, cooking, walking. I've been sleeping not only my 8 straight hours at night, but have taken 3-hour naps on Thursday and Friday, and am looking forward to one today.

I have to postpone my upcoming doctor appt, because I want to make sure I lose a couple of pounds so she keeps me on the phentermine. I also want her to up the dose. I've been using 37.5mg for years on and off (she doesn't know this), and she's got me on 15mg. Like that will ever help my fat ass.

This depression comes on the heels of the most hormonally-surged two weeks I've had since I can't even remember when. Following my husband around the house like a dog in heat. When I think of it, I'm kind of grossed out, as who wants an out-of-shape 50 year old panting around? I guess it's okay with him, or else he's a really good actor.

I do need to venture out later for a huge container to hold wrapping paper, and I need a couple of bottles of sandalwood-scented oil for my warmer in the car.

OK - back from the slog of humanity that is Saturday shopping in Paramus. I went - for the very first time - to The Container Store. What a bunch of crap! The prices were outrageous. Everything was made in China. I'm so tired of everything, it's nauseating. I never made it to The Body Shop for the sandlewood oil; too tired.

I need my Jamie, in his kilt, riding behind me on horseback, whispering all he'll do to me once we get home.