Nation...I woke up this morning still married and still breathing.

My life is an incredible exercise in futility; Ihave never felt more useless, homely and unhappy.
I never do or say anything even acceptable, never mind correct. I mispronounce words like "route"; the husband tells me it's 'root, like a highway'; I said "route (rowt) like when one football teams rolls over another one". He then summed it all up with, "I guess it depends on who you hang out with. We certainly don't have 1 fucking thing in common."

After I kicked over the dining room chair, I spent the rest of the day wondering if maybe he's not right. We will have been married 25 yearsd in 2011, and I was planning to renew my vows in Scotland. Now I wonder why would I spoil such a potentially wonderful trip?

I must be crazy to spend 1 more day in this god forsaken shithole of a life, where nothing is appreciated and I feel like a leper-troll. This man wants absolutely nothing to do with me, if it doesn't involve berating me at some point.

I'm ready to leave, but again It's a holiday weekend - no attorneys are available tomorrow. I was thinkingn before about how great it would be to just never wake up again. My daughter certainly does not need me; she's always at the boyfriends and when we are together it's like she rushes through any time spent with me. I just cannot stop feeling that my husband hates the sight of me, he won't even touch me in passing never mind for anything else. I am left to my mental imagery and manipulation (usually by showerhead); I've never been so clean in my life.

I hate everything about me. and now I'm too old for anyone to even want.