Wednesday, November 26, 2008 - So Much for Which to be Thankful

Nation...there is a saying that if everyone you knew were to stand in a circle, and each was to put their worst problem out in the middle: each of us would take back our own problem.

I have written a bit about the horrors that befall the innocent, especially children and animals. As I sit here working on a spreadsheet to reclaim about $39K of my company's money from a previous insurance handler, I happened onto CNN just to see what Obama is up to. The following few headlines are what greeted me:

Mom follows dark path from icy rescue to murder charge - a year ago 4 brave souls jumped into a bone-chilling river in Iowa last winter to save Michelle Kehoe and her two sons (aged 1 and 6), the mother is now charged with the murder of the 2 year old and the attempted murder of the 7 year old.

Dad raped daughters for 27 years - a 56 year old man in UK raped his 2 daughters about 3 times per week starting in 1981, resulting in 19 pregnancies between the 2 girls. In 1998, 1 of the 2 daughters tried to call Childline (like DYFS or ACS) and report abuse, but was offered no guarantees she'd be able to keep her children if she told her story. The story came to light in UK due to the horrific torture death of one of the babies.

Teacher accused of punching student, police say

And those were just from today. What the fuck is happening to us? I do not have the words to use to describe my absolute despair over the state of our society on a global scale. Knowing that this is happening out there behind doors and in little towns and big cities, I find myself more fearful (that's not really the word I want) about everything. It makes me feel hollow, and it makes life feel hollow - like a shell that could crack at any moment.

Be thankful for the closeness of family members; don't sweat the small stuff. Be free with forgiveness; don't go to bed angry or not talking. There's obviously enough stress in this world already; don't add to your own - do you really need 5 vegetables with the turkey? Or 3 kinds of potatoes? Or 100 dozen cookies, pastries, and pies? No. The food and the meal are insignificant: the COMPANY you share is what will be remembered.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 23, 2008 - The Lunatic is on the Grass...

Another great old song ("Dark Side of the Moon" - Pink Floyd)

Nation...haven't we all had a "friend" in our lives at some point that drives us absolutely insane? The type that you start thinking about killing just to silence their constant clammering, while they think the things they do are normal because they have good hearts?? The type that when they call on the phone, you're exhausted at the end and just fall into a fitful sleep? They continually do the same inane things repeatedly expecting different results. Gather 'round children and I'll tell you a story. "I hope to impart a lesson, because that's what I do" (<-actual quote from Propagrampa).

Once upon a time, there was a married woman having a 9-year affair. She tried to break off the affair, but the man (who was also married) wrote letters to her husband, daughter and son with details of the affair. She started seeing him again (for 3 more years) after he followed her to her next employer. (It was at this point I happened to meet her, and with a love of animals between us, we became friends.)She saw him for a few more years and then had decided her marriage of 30 years could not be saved, so she filed for divorce. After all this crap, her husband was crushed and wanted to try therapy. She found an apartment and moved out. She then told me she had met someone through work that was her soulmate. I was glad because she deserved to be happy with someone who didn't talk/act like they were better than her (her husband was kind of a 'know-it-all'). Then she started talking about Mr Soulmate and his loveless marriage. I said, "Why aren't you trying to meet someone who is single and available for a relationship with you?" She explained that going through the divorce, she didn't want a commitment. I said that she'd be better off by herself for a while so she could actually find out who SHE was without the involvement of any men.

While she was seeing Mr Soulmate, she was berated by Mr Stalker for not seeing him. He showed up at her new apartment doorstep one morning after she got home from an overnight shift at her job. I said, "Oh my god - how did he find you??" She had given him the address "in case he ever needed anything." I said, "Why would you give your address to someone you're not seeing? Have you ever heard of a telephone...?" So, then she decided that as she was growing older, no one seemed to be the type of man to grow old with except her husband, so she started therapy, and broke it off with Mr Soulmate, but never cut the tie with Mr Stalker (hedging her bets, I guess.) She kept him in the dark about her marriage counseling. I was so upset with her. At one point, she told me she found a camera running inside a motorcycle helmet on a dresser after a sexual encounter between the two of them.

There were several incidents where her safety was in question, and the fact that she was always willing to be with him "because he has no one to take care of him." (By the way, he is STILL married and lives separately from his wife.) But the incident that made me stop talking to her was when she caught a sexually-transmitted disease from Mr. Stalker. She was shocked. I said, "you were sleeping with Mr. Soulmate, and your husband, and Mr Stalker. Did you really think he was exclusive to you???" "Well, yes, because he is always so lonely." I guess not too lonely hmmm? When she told Mr Stalker he just laughed. She never told her husband that she was infected, and may have slept with him during their reconciliation, which did not work out. She explained she couldn't tell the husband as it would just break his heart. So she abandoned her duty to the women of Planet Earth and this guy is a walking clamydia case waiting to land in some woman.

I stopped returning her calls in July 2007 after my brother passed away. I couldn't be bothered anymore with her drama, on top of the loss of Christopher. Time passed and she stopped calling.

Fast forward: Monday, November 17, nighttime 8PM: as I was coming up my deck stairs to return to the house from the garage, I heard a voice behind me in my driveway "Hello." I nearly jumped out my skin! The husband heard me yell over the sound of running water in the bathroom while he was on his knees unclogging a drain. I said, "Jesus you could have called", she answered with "I thought you probably wouldn't take the call." Blah blah blah she's doing whatever, I'm doing nothing but the same, everybody's fine.

She said we haven't spoken in a while and she really wanted to be friends (or something) again. I told her what I should have told her a year ago; that I have serious issues with how she handles her personal life and she wanted to know did I think I could get past it? I sighed and just looked at her. Did I want to talk about it? Well, actually, no. Also, even while I said this, she offered no current info on her situation; not that it would have made a bit of difference to me at that point. I've been living just fine without her drama for the past 16 months (I so cannot believe that so much time has passed. Not for talking to her, but since my brother passed away)

Longer story short, she left. Hopefully for good. Honestly, what type of person just shows up after not seeing you for 18 months and not talking to you for 16 months? A psycho. I was really pissed that she just showed up like that. If you call me and I don't answer oh well. That's what message machines are for. The only people who should show up at houses unannounced should at least be in current friendly communication.

Morale of the story: Don't shit where you eat.

Saturday, November 22, 2008 - Yoga (again) and Holiday Plans

Nation...I fought every nerve ending in my desperately-resistant, freakishly-misshapen body and performed a 20-min practice this morning and then, after hitting the local shopping highway, I actually performed a repeat session of the same practice! Let me tell you: 5 minutes in to the first session I was ready to cry about what I've been doing to myself and quit. My knees and shins hurt so badly, I couldn't tell from where the pain was coming. I'm so out of practice, I could barely sit on my heels; and forget about crawling forward from that seated "Hero's Pose" into a great resting "Child's Pose" - my heels and my butt were between 4-6" apart. In the correct form, the butt cheeks touch the heels. Terrible form!

But I endured. I was sweating, grunting, finally cursing (my favorite) my way through the 20-minute vinyasa (flowing) session. I can hardly believe that I was practicing Bikram this past summer for 90-minutes per session 2-3 times per week. Why did I ever stop working out?? What a fucking idiot I am.

Got a really busy week: I must start packing Monday, so I can bake Tuesday and have my regular nail appointment. Wednesday is a half-day at work, followed by a haircut, then out for a surprise comedy show (I'm treating my husband, daughter and the boyfriend) in the city. We'll be heading north to the family compound (yes, I'll be seeing a post-election Propagrampa), actually driving on Thanksgiving morning. This is the first holiday in like 20 years that I won't be cooking. Oh yeah, babe! I will be baking two Pumpkin Roulades (like a jelly roll with a ginger/nutmeg filling) and bringing those for a dessert option.

If I don't write this week, it'll only be because I just didn't have the time. Have a Happy Thanksgiving, no matter where you are spending it.

Thursday, November 20, 2008 - All the good doctors are dead

Had the appointment with the new endocrinologist last Saturday. It went ok I guess. I found out that the dosage of thyroid meds the primary prescribed me is used as a "placebo." Gee, thanks for taking me seriously, you prick! I cried when the endo told me the amount of medicine is gone before it even hits my stomach, and also that level of meds will do nothing for weight loss. She wants me to keep a food journal; I don't need to actually read (and therefore face) the amount of garbage I am eating.

She did, however, send me for a full battery of blood tests. I had those done this morning after fasting from last night. (I figured I deserved a nice Starbucks White Mocha for all that suffering.)
She also mentioned that my thyroid felt odd (under manipulation) so she wants me to have an ultrasound, but I forgot to mention the prescription before I left the office. She is actually in the process of moving from one office space to another across the street from the current location, so I better get the Rx now so we can discuss at my next visit on Dec 13.

I wish I was thin again, but I don't want to do all the cardio. I don't even want to do some cardio.

Work is good. I'm about to start overseeing a new driver safety program for my company's 1,780 drivers. I was devastated last January when my boss removed workers compensation from my realm of duty, and had me focus strictly on auto. But now I'm really glad; I work much better with figures than I do with people. Probably because I don't really care about the general public. It's a weird thing: I'm not really a dick, but unless I know you one on one, I really don't care to listen to your crap.

Plus nobody is as funny as me. (ha!)

Thursday, November 13, 2008 - Halloween pics are up

Here's some of the Halloween sights from my house:

Nation - just received this with pics, but I'm too lazy to cut & paste. Just read you'll get the picture:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!'Have a wonderful day !

Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened.- Cora Harvey Armstrong
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.(Unknown)
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.-Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.- Janette Barber
Old age ain't no place for sissies- Bette Davis
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.- Caryn Leschen
If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.-Catherine
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.- Roseanne Barr
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.- Maryon Pearson
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.-Eleanor Roosevelt
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - Another Day, Another Doctor

Nation...it is post-Halloween, post-Election, post-everything. Today is today and I move ever closer to a normal life.

I was given the name of several endocrinologists in this area: one sounds fantastic, however, he is in his 80s and not in my health network (translation: $345 for initial visit, and $55-125 for each follow-up). I love the really old doctors, though. They put their hands on you and can almost "divine" what's wrong on the inside. They aren't afraid of actually practicing medicine. I've had four like that, but they are all dead. Stupid aging process.

The second one is a woman, but the current patient doesn't care for her manner or the disorganization in the office. I looked her up on RateYourDoctor.com, and out of 5 she scored a 4.1. I couldn't find her in my health network, although the patient states she is.

The third is also a woman, a Russian, and has split with her former practice (I already am intrigued). In addition to having an MD, she is also a DO (osteopath) so she's not afriad of medicine or holistic practice (that's 2 points) AND she is in network (bingo!...trifecta...hat trick...a 3-pointer from way downtown...<-insert your favorite saying regarding the #3).

So I guess you can tell I've made my decision. It was difficult to contact her as the insurance company had the wrong number printed in the listing. The remaining practitioners have moved out of Bergen to Morris, so when I made contact there, I did make an appointment. I'll just cancel now that I found her correct phone number. Very exciting.

Had my review at work; while all the crap has been running downhill like a Southeast-Asian mudslide, my boss is apparently happy with the work I produce despite my complete lack of sense or confidence. She's out this morning so I'm taking this opportunity to address all of you today.

I saw someone yesterday at a research facility (where I avail my skin for patch-testing and money) whom I hadn't seen in a while. While our daughters were in 8th grade they played softball together, but I've known her most of the time I was here in Bergen as she was best friends with the girlfriend of my husband's then best friend (1985). She is about 2-3 years older than I, however, time and illness has taken a toll. She was diagnosed with emphysema in 1999-2000, but now is in early stage leukemia, and gets blood transfusions for her marrow. She has lost 50 pounds since this diagnosis 2 years ago.

While leukemia is not rare, it is the second case I personally know of in my friend universe and in the same town!! My husband's friend, also a few years older than us, was diagnosed with leukemia about 3 years ago. What is going on in my town/county??

Just when I thought I was ill enough with perimenopause to complain, along comes real illness.

How you like me now?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008 - VOTING DAY

My husband and I voted as soon as polls opened this morning at 6AM. No lines in my town (at that time anyway). My daughter went later and there was a 40-person wait at one district's table, but not hers.

Nation we stand at the precipice of the new world. Please kick the old guys in the ass over the edge of the cliff and side into the dark abyss.

GO'BAMA 2008

Monday, November 3, 2008 - Take This Job and SHOVE IT!

Oh, Nation...who among us can truly say they love their job/career? How great is it to be doing the work you love and actually get paid to do it? I think jobs like that are few, however, I have been somewhat fortunate that the positions I have held, I may not have actually loved, but I seemed to perform the duties very well, and my managers all were happy throughout these past years.

My current manager seems to be going through some kind of crap in her life, and has been such since probably the start of this year. I thought my moods with menopause were unpredictable, but this woman (aged 40) is like a roller coaster, and I'm too old for this type of ride! First in January she cut 1/2 my duties and said she wanted me to focus on the duties where my strengths were (so she didn't have to write 'needs improvement' on my appraisals! <-yes, she actually said those very words.) Then, after knowing I was a regular lunchtime gym-goer for a year prior (she even asked me about classes), she decided in April that I was taking advantage of her and told me I was no longer allowed to go to hour-long classes at lunch; my lunch was 45 mins and I was to keep that time.

Most recently, with the onset of the arm injury, I went to my follow-up appt at lunch time last week, and she complained to me that I didn't tell her about the appt (she was not in the office all week and travelling), said I was again taking advantage, and that she felt she couldn't maintain a level of trust with me. (yes again those were exact words)

Well...first of all, Nation, I really don't care about trust. You cannot make someone feel trust for you, no matter how you perform; that comes from within them. What you can do, however, is try very hard not to laugh in their face when it is obvious they are trying to upset you. Which is the route that I took in this case. My husband has a problem with my marital fidelity (I have never strayed in 22 years), so for my boss not to trust me, is so a joke to me. As Tommy Lee Jones said to Harrison Ford's statement of innocence in the death of his wife in 'The Fugitive': I don't care.

I have been scoping out the insurance field in online job searches, just to see what's out there.

I got a nice compliment from a wonderful lady with whom I have done Pilates for years; she said I looked like I had lost weight since I saw her last (about 3 weeks ago). I think I have lost 7 pounds, but I feel it's due to my continuation of the thyroid meds against my doctor's orders.
I do feel somewhat better, too. I'm sure I've said this already: I need a new doctor.

Got some hair gel for the 'do. I'm so out of practice with all things beauty-based.

How was everyone's Halloween? My front porch was SOOOOOO scary, I had 2 kids who cried and wouldn't come up (I had to bring the candy down to the street). Most everyone loved it: parents were taking photos of their kids next to my very scary SAW puppet, Billy, on his little red tricycle. I had a soundtrack of kids screaming in horror, dogs howling, banshees wailing, my foggers were dispensing low-lying terror clouds throughout the neighborhood depending on the breeze at the time. A good time was had by all.