Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sunday, December 28, 2008 - On the Edge of the Precipice

Nation - Tomorrow is my 50th birthday. I'm totally not anticipating this at all. My parents both died in their fifties: mom at 53, dad at 58. While 2 years ago, I was in the best fitness condition of my life, I am now perched on the edge of a diabetic coma: all I ever want to eat is sugar. I am seeing an endocrinologist and she is concerned about some pancreatic reading. If only I felt like exercising, I know 90% of my issues would dissipate. Menopause is still with me, as are the 17 days periods.

I have been plagued with nightmares of late as well. There was a bear chasing me, and it was at the apartment building I grew up in as a kid. I managed to escape but then remembered that the cats were in the apartment, so I went back to get them. I rescued them, which included one that died 7 years ago, and I heard the bear growling though the door and coming down the stairs after us. There was a couple of mentions of bears in the books I'm reading, however, bears have been in my dreams for over a year. I think they are manifestations of my hormone imbalance.

Speaking of hormone imbalances, I have been pornstar horny over the past 2 weeks; before, during, and after my period ended. I've been driving the husband nuts, and now he's telling me to leave him alone. Why couldn't I have been 1/2 this demanding while I was in my 30s? Again, just me being dumb. It sucks not having my mom to ask questions about getting fucking old. I know I could read forever articles and books on the internet, but I think you'd be better off with some info within your gene pool.

More stuff that irritates: free transport and surgery for foreign kids, whether they are war victims or born deformed. In 2007, my brother died of long treatable sepsis due to fucking hernia in a New Jersey hospital, and no one wanted to treat him because of state disability, yet bleeding hearts (of which I consider myself a liberal as well) will get doctors to perform free medical care and surgery on kids that go back to a cesspool of a third world country. If I hear one more "feel good story", ...

Soon as the husband goes to take his nap, I'll be back to page 490 in my book replacing Claire with myself as Jamie stands her up against a brick wall in the barn and holds her neck down to watch his cock slam her. Wonder if this is adding to my hormonal state...

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