I am awash in a sea of bitterness. This is just so fucked up to feel this way; the thought of even living another day is nauseating. I thought this blog would help me (or help someone else) in their decision to go gray, however, my unpredictable emotions are getting in the way of writing anything positive.
As I sit here on my back deck (ain't wireless a wonderful thing?), I can hear my neighbors' parents (both sets) next door preparing for the arrival of the daughter and her twins, just delivered 2 days ago but about a month early. I was so thrilled to meet these people just a few short months ago when they were considering buying the house next door, and I thought it was great that they were a young couple with twin sons on the way. Now, I'm hoping to be done with this entry so I don't have to be out here when they arrive. How sick is this?
My hair is the least of my concerns as I contemplate my sadness, hunger, indecision, hatred, remorse, etc. I am just consumed with negativity; news of the republican VP nominee's troubnles at home is actually making me feel good. The Germans have a word for that: schadenfreude. It's one of my favorites. The definition is: pleasure derived from the misfortune of others. Now obviously the GOP-vp nominee says she's not miserable, but how can a 44-year-old self-proclaimed hockey mom of 5 be happy about the prospect of being a grandmom to her 17-year-old high-school attending-unwed daughter's upcoming delivery in 3 months??? Hey maybe the kid will be born on election day! Maybe it'll remind some undecided voters that republican's maybe don't have all the answers; especially at home. How's that for karma??
I'm sure I'm buying someself some bad-karma-payback for these meanderings.
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